I have tried to recall the hundreds of conversations that I have had with many men who have attempted to find a Russian Bride through methods other than my own and I have come up with a comprehensive list of the most common mistakes that most men make when searching for a Russian Bride. These are the things that I have seen and heard over and over again. These are the things that don’t work for most men or are at the very least extremely inconsistent. These are the mistakes and assumptions that are not only due to the misinformation and myths perpetuated on most “Russian Bride” sites, but also due to the “denial” factor.

I have found that many of the men that I have talked to have completely bought in to the all of the myths and blanket statements that they have read on the internet on sites that are marketing machines, just because the company putting out this information looks professional or has a forum on which anyone can claim to be an expert. Despite having actually made the trip over to Russian or Ukraine, in some cases several times, having been disappointed in each instance, many men that I have spoken with continue to believe that their half super model / half Martha Stuart is just waiting over there for him to come and rescue her from small insignificant life and that she is dying to go with him to a foreign land. Despite my telling them of my own experiences and successes, those of my clients and friends not to mention the warnings of other experienced men and actual Ukrainian women, many of these men continue to believe the myths. They want it to be true. They need it to be true. Unfortunately, many of these men cannot or will not listen to reason and experience. They will continue to make the same mistakes over and over. Hopefully this list that I have put together will help some men to see the light. Keep in mind that some men have been successful and lucky at some of the things that I will talk about as being ineffective or inconsistent, as there is an exception to every rule, but most men have found these things to be ineffective and disappointing. The idea is to tell you what has not worked for the majority of men and to keep you from repeating their mistakes. No one is the “burning bush” so to speak on this subject, but I can share with you things that I know don’t work the majority of the time and help you to keep your guard up.

1) Believing that finding a Russian Bride is Easy

This is the most common mistake that most men make, but its very understandable considering the amount of misinformation that is out there. The majority of “Russian Bride” sites out there perpetuate the myth that they are giving away brides and the airport in your nearest Russian or Ukrainian city. They make it seem like you must rush right out and get one before they are all gone. The fact is that most men, myself included, are taken in by the glitter and glamour of many of these sites even though they probably know deep down inside that it may not be as easy as it seems. You would think that common sense and a bit of good old fashioned skepticism would come into play at some point, but I talk to men every day that are down right shocked to hear that its not as easy as they have been led to believe, they are shocked by the tales of insincerity, dishonesty, miscommunication, indecision and even the length of time and the amount of money that it takes to get this done. Most men, believe it or not, think that they will go over and get engaged on the first trip and that it will work out for a life long commitment. The biggest problem with this is that it makes the fall twice as hard when reality sets in.

When I went on my first tour, even though I approached the whole thing with guarded optimism, I was still very disappointed when I found out the site I had put so much faith in turned out to be less than advertised so I can imagine how a man who has bought in to all of the propaganda out there might feel. The reality of the situation is that almost every man that tries to find his Russian lady will run into frustrating problems at one time or another that will make him question if this is really worth all of the effort. It is anything but easy. There are a myriad of problems, confusion and other issues that can arise with correspondence, socials, dishonest or incompetent agencies, travel, and visas, not to mention the ladies themselves. If you are thinking about doing this, know upfront that there will be problems and setbacks, that’s a given. The important thing is to realize that and approach this whole thing from an intelligent and cautious standpoint. If you are realistic and use some common sense you will eventually find what you are looking for, but if you believe everything that you read on most Russian Bride sites, then you are more than likely in for a big disappointment.

2) Believing that because they are American that they can get any woman that they want.

It’s very interesting to me the mindset of some of the men that call me. It is clear that they have no concept of how the rest of the world views us. Some of them have even traveled quite a bit and still they can’t seem to get past their U.S.A. rose-colored goggles. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say “there are more people trying to get into the U.S. than all other countries combined.” Yes, that may be true, but from a global perspective that number still represents a very small percentage of the entire world’s population. Heck, many of the people that immigrate here don’t necessarily like Americans.

NEWSFLASH: Most of the world hates us! Yes, whether it be jealousy, fear or just good old fashioned hatred, being American can bring out the worst in some of the people that you meet abroad.

Another NEWSFLASH: Until about 15 years ago, America was the Soviet Union’s most feared and hated foe. That perception doesn’t just go away in a decade and a half.

That being said, many of the women that are seeking foreign husbands do realize that the standard of living in the U. S. is significantly higher than that of most of the rest of the world. In addition, many of them realize that America is on the short list of countries to which they might eventually be asked to move. However, that doesn’t mean that they will go with a man whom they are not attracted to simply because he is American. Being American may not hurt your chances, but it probably won’t enhance them either. It most certainly won’t turn you into Don Juan over night or make you appear more desirable to a woman who is really not attracted to you. I talk with men on a weekly basis who think that they will go over to the former Soviet Union and suddenly “morph” into Lancelot simply because they are an American.  Most think that they are going over to rescue some poor Russian woman from her meaningless, dreary, insignificant existence. Although in many cases life in the former Soviet Union can be difficult it is all these women have ever known and in many cases they are extremely happy and love their homeland very much. I know my wife was very happy with her life in Ukraine and she misses it dearly. Being American can be a positive for you, but don’t expect women to swoon over you simply because you are from the states. If you go over thinking otherwise, you’ll probably be disappointed. Confidence, sincerity and stability will help a great deal more than being from the United States.

3) Choosing whom they will meet before their trip based on profiles, pictures, letters and phone calls.

One of the things that seem most natural and logical is to write someone over the Internet, get to know them and then go over to meet them. Its only human nature to want to know or at least have an idea who you will meet or be considering before you make the trip over. Although some men get lucky and live out the fairy tale correspondence and meeting, this happens for very few men. The chances that you will pick someone from the Internet out the thousands of sites and hundreds of thousands profiles, based purely on their profile information and pictures are extremely slim.  It does happen for some, but for most it is just something that has happened to someone else.

Choosing whether or not you are interested in someone or not based simply on a few pictures is not wise for several reasons. First of all, unless you have some special insight or unless the woman in question is a friend of a friend, etc. you have no way of knowing if the woman in the profile is really seeking a husband, if she is really the one doing the corresponding, if her pictures are recent, what her motives are or most importantly if you will have any chemistry whatsoever once you meet.  Another thing that you should consider is putting the shoe on the other foot.

Do you want a woman in whom you think you are really interested making a decision on whether or not she is interested in you based only on your profile, pictures or something you may or may not have said in a letter?  Think about it.

The best way to decide whom to meet is to visit a real local marriage agency and ask questions about their ladies. Gain some practical insight into the woman from people who know her and the other ladies in the agency. Choose ladies whom it makes sense for you to meet based on something more than a pretty face in a profile and some seemingly compatible information. Of course you must make sure the agency is honest and sincere first, but that is another discussion.

4) Believing that you have developed a real relationship through correspondence

This is one of the most heart-wrenching parts of correspondence. Those who throw their hearts into the written word and believe that the person on the other side is an honest and sincere reciprocator do so at their own risk.  Even if the girl is real and truly looking for a husband the chances that the two of will be meant-to-be is remote.  I often feel bad when I have to explain to guys that there is a chance that the woman with whom they are corresponding might not be the one who is pictured in the profile and if she is, the only way that he will truly know if they are right for one another is to meet her face to face.

Until you meet and validate all of the emotions and feelings that were revealed in correspondence THERE IS NO REAL RELATIONSHIP.  And the problem with that is that probably 8 times out of 10 there is no spark or chemistry between the two who were doing the corresponding and all of that expectation culminates in a real downer. Its kind of like being told how great a movie is and going to see it expecting it to be the next blockbuster and then finding out that its just another flick destined for DVD!  It’s usually anti-climactic at best and that’s assuming that you actually get to meet the lady with whom you’ve been corresponding at all.

Many men poor their heart into their letters only to find out that the girl didn’t know anything about his correspondence and isn’t really interested in him at all.  Some are stood up by the lady in letters even though she claimed that she would love him forever if he would only make the trip to visit her.  It’s a nice idea and some men do actually realize the fairy-tale of writing to a lady and then traveling to meet her, their correspondence culminating in love at first site and a lifetime of happiness, but it happens too seldom to give it serious consideration...

To read the rest of this and many more interesting and informative chapters from the e-book, "The Thinking Man's Guide to Finding a Russian Bride," please visit our home page and download the book in its entirety.