One of the most interesting questions that I am often asked when I am counseling a client is, “How do I tell if she is really interested in me.”  This is a very valid question and one that is not easily answered.  I don’t think that there is one “catch-all,” definite answer to this, but just like asking several different people how to make your favorite dish, there are many different recipes that will help you make the meal.  I want to share with you some of my experiences and some of the suggestions that I have been given over the years that seem to work.

Because I am spoiled by my own loving and caring Ukrainian woman and she makes it known to me on a daily basis that she loves me very much, I am always tempted to reply to this question, “If you have to wonder if she is interested, then she is not.”  However, Ukrainian women and women in general are as different as snowflakes.  While my Nina is very outgoing and obvious, I know other men whose ladies have let them know in other more subtle, mysterious ways.  Let’s start with the beginning, before your trip, when you are in the writing stage.  Keep in mind that the following tips, suggestions and observations assume that the girl is aware of you, your correspondence, etc, and is actually open to meetings with foreign men.  Whether she is real, and legitimately seeking a foreign husband is a discussion in previous chapters.

The Correspondence Stage

The simplest indicator of a woman’s interest in meeting you is, does she respond promptly and completely.  By this I mean, does she respond within a reasonable amount of time (within a week) and does she address all of the questions and topics covered in your letter.  Keep in mind this is by no means “etched in stone,” but if she responds promptly and takes the time to address each of your questions and topics, chances are she is interested in you.  Another simple indicator is does she ask detailed questions of you?  Does she ask the names of your parents and children?  Does she want to know about your brothers and sisters etc?  The more detailed questions she asks about your general life, family and dreams, the more chance there is that she is actually interested in finding out more about you and ultimately, a meeting.  If you receive short, impersonal responses regularly you should probably move on.  All that being said, keep in mind that some of these women will be very pressed for time, as they may work long hours or live far from town and may seldom have a chance to write to you.  I think the quality of the responses is the compelling factor here.

Another pre-trip indicator of a woman’s interest is will she do something simple, yet meaningful for you?  Let me explain what I mean by this.  In most cases, you are going to be spending a significant amount of time and money to write to a woman, as most sites don’t interpret letters for free.  Since you are willing to do this and eventually take a giant “leap of faith” to travel to the former Soviet Union, it stands to reason, that if this woman is sincere and really interested in a meeting with you, that she would be willing to do something simple for you to affirm her interest in you.  A few years back I started doing something very simple that gave me an indication that each girl to whom I was writing was actually interested in

meeting me.  Since then, I have had many clients follow these simple instructions with great success.

First, find something personal to send to your lady by regular mail.  By personal I mean, a college sweatshirt with your university’s logo on it or maybe something smaller like a T-shirt or hat with your favorite sports team, something like that.  Keep the package fairly small.  If she has children, be sure to include something small for them, as well such as a T-shirt.  Send with this a disposable camera, a $20 bill and a self-addressed envelope.  Enclose an interpreted letter telling her that these are gifts of your esteem and that you would like to have some pictures taken specifically for you of her wearing your gift.  Also ask her to use the camera to take pictures of herself and/or her family doing normal everyday things, like eating dinner etc.  Tell her to use the $20 to develop the pictures and send them to you.  I have done this many times myself and I have had great success.  Many of my clients have also done this and had very good response.  Keep in mind that in some areas of the former Soviet Union, the mail service is not wonderful and your package my take some time to get there or in some cases may never arrive at all.  That being said, I have only had one of my packages not make it to its intended addressee and in that case I re-sent the package and it worked the second time.  (I have had great luck with USPS registered mail).  If the woman is willing to do this for you, then chances are she is interested enough to meet with you upon your trip to her town.

After You Have Met

Now, let’s talk about how to tell if she is interested in you once you have met her.  Again, there are no absolutes, but if she is readily available for a second and/or third meeting with you, chances are good that she is interested in getting to know you.  If it is difficult to get hold of her for another meeting then it is possible that she is not really interested and maybe you should move on.  That being said, you should make allowances for difficulty in scheduling another meeting with the girl if she works or if she is a full-time student.  It is when you come back to Ukraine/Russia the second time that you should expect her to make a great deal of time for you.  The first time, she may not have been expecting to meet someone so wonderful as you and she may not have made allowances, but that does not necessarily mean that she is not interested.  If you return to her country specifically to visit her and she knows you are coming, yet she does not make significant time to spend with you then she is not interested and you should move on.

It has been my experience that most of the time if a girl is interested in one of my clients she will make sure to let her agency staff know that she would like to see him again.  They will not always come out and say that they are not interested, but usually the girl will call her agency the next day and tell them if she is open to another meeting.  But, again, that is not always the case.  Some girls are shy and not so proactive and will depend on the man to request the second and/or third date.  The telling factor here is “does she make herself available to be contacted about the next meeting”?

How Can I Spot a “Serial Dater?"

Now we have all heard about “serial daters” and I could devote and entire article to this, but for now I will just give you the basics and some things to pay attention to.  How do I tell if a woman who has agreed to see me several times is not just doing it for the dinners and the money I am spending on her?  Again there are no absolutes, but pay attention to her body language.  If she talks more to the interpreter than to you or if she doesn’t try to hold

any meaningful conversations with you or ask you any meaningful questions then she may not be interested.  But this could also mean that she is just shy and nervous.  Also, pay attention to where she asks you to go with her and what she asks you to do.  If she chooses crowded, expensive places each time, where you have no quiet time or no chance to get to know one another then she may not be interested.  You can’t spend every date at the disco or else it will be very difficult to get to know anything meaningful about one another.  If she asks you to take her shopping or asks for money in any way other than for a taxi then you might want to raise a red flag.  You don’t ask a man you have known for a couple of hours for money period!  Use some common sense here.  Think with your head and realize that if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck… well you know the rest...

To read the rest of this and many more interesting and informative chapters from the e-book, "The Thinking Man's Guide to Finding a Russian Bride," please visit our home page and download the book in its entirety.